Lydia Unsworth: Walk Around Town

fairy lights rock from the street lights
in a curled wind
we thought we’d see stars
but they’ve gone and done this
wrapped a rough blanket round our knees

we cried in the direction of the sea
the black on black water slap slap slap in my face
your presence like a hand on my hard heart
a push in the chest
the time limits
the tidal charts
we missed a trick, stopstart
never should have gone out so far

I am beyond love
a line of dots in the harbour
the escape was the trap
the trap was the mistake
knock the buildings down
let my memories reconfigure
it’s homelike, it’s home-shaped

my steps count themselves
I stop in the street
my suitcase is in everybody’s way
sorry, I say
the suitcase tips over
rolls the other way
I lift it like a child
come here, I say

I try to find a building that wasn’t here before
we don’t expect anything
except novelty always
or a soft voice that pauses after every clause
to say it isn’t my fault
the plane around my neck
hanging about in my dreams
delayed as my reactions
not even a sandwich
just a block of cheese
warm in the pocket

I can’t stop checking
if anyone anywhere
is thinking of me

this is not my pain

but something
more spectacular
belonging
to the planet